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Posts Tagged ‘joke’

A lawyer joke, see if you like it :)?

Question by iamigloo: A lawyer joke, see if you like it :)?
A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.

“Your Honor,” he said, “I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty!’ So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!”

With a tired annoyance the judge replied, “Get back in the jury box, you fool. That man is the defendant’s lawyer.”

Best answer:

Answer by Quick v2
hah, good one!

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18 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - March 14, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Categories: Trial Lawyers   Tags: , ,

did you hear about the lawyer and the farmer? it’s a long joke….?

Question by duhman: did you hear about the lawyer and the farmer? it’s a long joke….?
a NY lawyer went duck hunting in rural texas. he shot and dropped a bird, but it fell just on the other side of the fence.
as the lawyer climbed over the fence, an old farmer drove up on his tractor and said he was tresspassing. the lawyer said “i shot this duck and i just need to retrieve it.”
the farmer said, “nope, i won’t allow you on my property”
lawyer: “i’m a great trial lawyer and if you don’t let me get my property i will sue you for all you’re worth”
farmer: “you don’t know how we do things in texas. we settle small disputes like this with the texas 3 kick rule”
lawyer: “what’s that?”
farmer: “1st i kick you 3 times, then you kick me 3 times, etc. back and forth till one of us gives up”
the lawyer thought he can beat the old geezer so he agreed.
the farmer plants a toe of his heavy work boot smack to the lawyers groin, 2nd kick to his head, and 3rd kick to his kidney.
the lawyer managed to get to his feet finally saying, “ok you old coot, now it’s my turn”
farmer smiled and said: “naw, i give up, you can have the duck!”

Best answer:

Answer by A
:)

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9 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - February 14, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Categories: Trial Lawyers   Tags: , , , , , ,

Q&A: Lawyer joke don’t know if it’s true but it’s kinda funny?


by takomabibelot

Question by trikster: Lawyer joke don’t know if it’s true but it’s kinda funny?
BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.

Charlotte, North Carolina A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the
lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.”
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and WON!

(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a
policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire,
without defining what is considered to be unacceptable “fire” and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $ 15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the “fires”.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART…

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $ 24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

Best answer:

Answer by Austen
Lol, he should of had a friend smoke it.

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11 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - January 14, 2011 at 3:14 am

Categories: Criminal Lawyer   Tags: , , , , , , ,

Q&A: FUNNY JOKE!! POLISH MAN AND DIVORCE LAWYER?


by mind on fire

Question by Giada: FUNNY JOKE!! POLISH MAN AND DIVORCE LAWYER?
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances,and asked him the following questions:

“Have you any grounds”?
“Yes, an acre and half and nice little home”.

“No, I meant what is the foundation of this case”?
It’s made of concrete
“I don’t think you understand.
Does either of you have a real grudge”?
“No, we have carport, and not need one”.

I mean, what are your relations like?
“All my relations still in Poland”.

“Is there any infidelity in your marriage”?
“We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player”.

“Does your wife beat you up”?
“No, I always up before her”.

“Is your wife a nagger”?
“No, she white”.

“Why do you want this divorce”?
“She going to kill me”.

“What makes you think that”?
“I got proof”.

“What kind of proof”?
“She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read, and it say: “Polish Remover”

Best answer:

Answer by Charger21
hahahaha he thought she was trying to remove him with polish remover thats hilarious

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12 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - December 24, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Categories: Divorce Lawyer   Tags: , , , ,

Q&A: Is Careerbuilder.com the joke I’m starting to think it is?

Question by sweetroll: Is Careerbuilder.com the joke I’m starting to think it is?
I have a lot of experience. I am currently working in a job that looks to be going nowhere slowly. I have been sending resumes randomly to jobs I am really interested in – NOT listed on careerbuilder other that what their search engine robots steal and pick up out of the local papers.
So far I have gotten bombarded with emails from insurance companies, banks and other institutions I have never had experience or interest in working for. They are always vauge, usually no name other than an initial and a last name (probably fake).
Now I am getting phone calls for similar ‘random’ positions. I don’t answer and let it go to VM – it sounds canned so I don’t know if I were to pick up, it would be a ‘real person’ or not.
Last weel it was another insurance company. Today it was a “fortune 500 company in my area who sells prepaid legal services and is looking for customer service reps and would love to talk to me.”
If I ever seriously need to look for a job – is careerbuilder.com worth it??

Best answer:

Answer by micheal c
I only get junk jobs off of it. stuff like “sell insurance online”. I have 18 years of experience in my field, and have only gotten jobs online from monster.com

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3 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - November 9, 2010 at 9:14 pm

Categories: Prepaid Legal Services   Tags: , , ,