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Posts Tagged ‘FUNNY’

FUNNY! How Obama won election in “Cheater’s Rap!” was sung by?

Question by “Uncle Tom” Obama: FUNNY! How Obama won election in “Cheater’s Rap!” was sung by?
Cheater’s Rap

John Edwards talked about Dad’s mill,
While sleeping with a chick off the pill,
He lied and fibbed to the MS press,
And, awoke early to preen and dress.

His wife, Elizabeth, knew the lie in 2006,
But supported John in Iowa while sick,
They stole Hillary’s honest votes daily,
And laughed on cue, and hiding Rielle.

Why did John lie like a cheatin’ rat ?
No “New Deal” for the average Democrat,
While Obama and Hillary fought on the stump,
John Edwards watched Rielle grow a bump.

Now John’s love child is common news,
And Fred Baron has money to lose,
Rielle, now nursing, has jetted away,
Even Geraldo has joined the fray!

John’s affair has hurt his poor kids,
More than Clinton’s cigars ever did,
A sordid tale that some call a crock,
The only winner, a loser named Barack!

Like dogs in heat, Edwards did pant,
Defined forever, just like Hugh Grant,
Tabloids paid to get the sleaze,
Is it John’s baby, mister please?

Vote for John Edwards, give me chills,
Meet you for sex in Beverly Hills,
John, don’t need to prove you ain’t a gay,
Just pony up to compare your DNA.

See Barack in Hawaii like Bobby Vinton,
Unaware the DNC plans to elect a Clinton,
Edwards may face time from the tax man,
But not if a pardon is part of Obama’s plan.

While Elizabeth cried over her brood,
Baby mama with John was not a prude,
Gone the innocent days of Tom Sawyer,
John gettin’ love like a real trial lawyer.

Best answer:

Answer by Bumfuq, North Carolina
Comprehension isn’t your strong suit, is it?

Add your own answer in the comments!

1 comment - What do you think?  Posted by - March 22, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Categories: Trial Lawyer   Tags: , , , ,

Q&A: Don’t trust this man. FUNNY or NOT?

Question by bon-bon: Don’t trust this man. FUNNY or NOT?
A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.
On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.

“Your Honor,” he said, “I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty!’ So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!”

With a tired annoyance the judge replied, “Get back in the jury box, you fool. That man is the defendant’s lawyer.”

Best answer:

Answer by mariahrcks101193
yeah its kinda funny

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

18 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - March 21, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Categories: Trial Lawyers   Tags: , , , ,

Funny things to do…?

Question by yatzky: Funny things to do…?
The big list of fun stuff to do in that boring ol’ courtroom of law…

1. Bring a cell phone and order a pizza when the judge starts talking.

2. Bring a zip-lock bag full of grapes and launch a few at the defendant when the judge isn’t looking.

3. Giggle uncontrollably when they show the evidence, if any blood is present.

4. If they ever bring up the possibility of an accomplice, duck your head and quiver.

5. Stand up and yell “OBJECTION!” to everything the judge says. EVERYTHING.

6. If you’re the defendant, wait until the judge starts talking about you. Proceed to hide under your table.

7. If anybody attempts to communicate with you in any way, stare off into space and blow spit bubbles.

8. Sing “The Song That Never Ends” incessantly.

9. Get the judge to look at you. Lick your lips and motion that you’ll “call him”

10. Actually call him

11. Bring a kazoo.

12. Act like you’re doing something important, and ask them to “keep it down”

13. Every time the judge uses the gavel, keel over backwards and act like you’ve been shot.

14. Bring a Gameboy and leave the volume at full.

15. Wait until everybody is completely focused on the trial, then blow a referee’s whistle as loud as you can. Point to the person next to you and tell him to “stop it!”

16. Pretend you turn into a pig when you get wet. Douse yourself in cold water and act like one.

17. Call the judge a wuss when he issues the death penalty. When he accuses you of contempt of the court, look puzzled and ask him what it means. When he answers, object.

18. Dress up like Santa Claus

19. Drink all of your lawyer’s water, then ask for more. Then ask to go to the bathroom.

20. Hiccup every time somebody says the word “the”

21. Change your plea every five minutes

22. If you’re the judge, call the defendant the plaintiff, the plaintiff a lawyer, the witness a juror, and the jurors defendants. Call the lawyers “Barney”

23. Gurgle into the microphone.

24. Complain aloud about that nasty wedgie you have, then take a poll of others in the audience if they too have a nasty wedgie.

25. If in traffic court, when asked to stand, walk over to the judge and issue him a parking ticket on his desk.

26. When asked to produce evidence, pick your nose, smear the snot on the table, point to it and say, “From this it is obvious, I am not guilty!”

27. Wear those X-Ray vision glasses from Halloween, when someone walks past, stare them up and down then shake head in dismay.

28. Popcorn and a large coke, if anyone asks about it, show them your ticket and say “I’m a paying customer!”.

29. Fart, pause momentarily, and comment under your breath, “I’ve done better…”

30. Fart again later on, take a deep breath and state enthusiastically “Now that’s more like it!”.

31. Bring a Lego replica of the courtroom, including Lego people, and imitate everything happening, including voices!

32. When pronounced guilty, reply “How about we try that again, this time Rock, Scissors, Paper – best of three!”

33. Bring toaster and wave a box of “Tropical Sprinkles Pop Tarts” around while asking “Where’s a damn plug around here!”.

Best answer:

Answer by divya
they were funny

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

4 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - March 3, 2011 at 9:13 am

Categories: Trial Lawyers   Tags: , ,

Q&A: Lawyer joke don’t know if it’s true but it’s kinda funny?


by takomabibelot

Question by trikster: Lawyer joke don’t know if it’s true but it’s kinda funny?
BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.

Charlotte, North Carolina A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the
lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.”
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and WON!

(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a
policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire,
without defining what is considered to be unacceptable “fire” and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $ 15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the “fires”.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART…

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $ 24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

Best answer:

Answer by Austen
Lol, he should of had a friend smoke it.

Add your own answer in the comments!

11 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - January 14, 2011 at 3:14 am

Categories: Criminal Lawyer   Tags: , , , , , , ,

Mick Terry – Not Quite the World’s Oldest Profession (Funny lawyer song lyrics)

Lawyer song lyrics: Not Quite the World’s Oldest Profession. Funny lawyers leeches & song vampires suck wills. Ironic legal lawyer fun dramatically read live by Mick Terry at Kulak’s Woodshed for boy attorney Andy Rigrod. Copyright © 1998 MickTerry.com video. Lyrics at MickTerry.com
Video Rating: 0 / 5

In this video, Kim Kerr, ED of DERA speak about housing in the Vancouver Downtown Eastside, (DTES) before passing the microphone over to Laura Track, Pivot Legal Lawyer———-This wasfilmed by April Smith of AHA MEDIA on a Nokia N95 mobile cameraphone. April is passionate and skilled in making Nokia films by exploring mobile media production through the camera lens of a cellphone. For a better quality version of this video, please DM April Smith @AprilFilms on Twitter.
Video Rating: 0 / 5

Be the first to comment - What do you think?  Posted by - January 11, 2011 at 3:18 am

Categories: Legal Lawyer   Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

OMG these are two really funny jokes. Anyone who knows how to laugh out there?


by scottobear

Question by Camille: OMG these are two really funny jokes. Anyone who knows how to laugh out there?
Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant . . .
. . . and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. I then looked around the room and saw that all the wait persons had a spoon in their pocket. When the waiter came back to check on our order I asked: “Why the spoon?”
“Well,” he explained, “the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84% more often than any other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours per shift.”
As we finished talking, a metallic sound was heard from behind me. Quickly, the waiter replaced the dropped spoon with the one in his pocket and said: “I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.” I was rather impressed. The waiter continued taking our order and while my guests ordered, I continued to look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter’s fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their fly.
My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter: “Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?”
“Oh, certainly!” he answered, lowering his voice. “Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned, also found out that we can save time in the restroom.”
“How so?”
“See,” he continued, “by tying this string to the tip of …you know… we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent”
“Okay, that makes sense, but… if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?”
“Well,” he whispered, lowering his voice even further, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.
====
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. 

In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick: “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.”

He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

“But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt, I saw all of you stare at the door.”

The jury foreman replied: “Oh, we did look, but your client didn’t.”

Best answer:

Answer by Vera V.
LOLOLOLOL!!! 😀

What do you think? Answer below!

4 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - January 7, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Categories: Defense Lawyer   Tags: , , , , , , ,

Q&A: FUNNY JOKE!! POLISH MAN AND DIVORCE LAWYER?


by mind on fire

Question by Giada: FUNNY JOKE!! POLISH MAN AND DIVORCE LAWYER?
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances,and asked him the following questions:

“Have you any grounds”?
“Yes, an acre and half and nice little home”.

“No, I meant what is the foundation of this case”?
It’s made of concrete
“I don’t think you understand.
Does either of you have a real grudge”?
“No, we have carport, and not need one”.

I mean, what are your relations like?
“All my relations still in Poland”.

“Is there any infidelity in your marriage”?
“We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player”.

“Does your wife beat you up”?
“No, I always up before her”.

“Is your wife a nagger”?
“No, she white”.

“Why do you want this divorce”?
“She going to kill me”.

“What makes you think that”?
“I got proof”.

“What kind of proof”?
“She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read, and it say: “Polish Remover”

Best answer:

Answer by Charger21
hahahaha he thought she was trying to remove him with polish remover thats hilarious

What do you think? Answer below!

12 comments - What do you think?  Posted by - December 24, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Categories: Divorce Lawyer   Tags: , , , ,