Facing a Divorce, What should I do ?

by Ed Yourdon

Question by John Doe: Facing a Divorce, What should I do ?
I met my wife in Feb. 2006, She had just relocated to Tennessee after Hurricane Katrina. Our relationship was pretty good for about 6-8 months, Shortly after we moved in together things started to head south. She would get mad for little things and has always been physically abusive. We ended up getting married Aug. 2007 and our relationship was steady, not great but not horrible.

I don’t believe she ever ‘got’ the idea of marriage and how it’s supposed to be, She’s 31 and I’m 27 currently and she’s already been married and divorced once before. She likes to claim that I’m ‘controlling’ because when she walks out the door to go somewhere I ask “where are you going and when do you plan on being home”, She decided to out with her single friends to a night club one night which I was cool with but when I asked her when she’d be home she thought she was being controlled and stayed out until 4am, didn’t call, I didn’t know where she was or what she was doing.

There’s been constant fighting for atleast two years, I’ve only ever smacked her once which I’m not proud of but I was constantly bloody, bruised, or hurting after she would go on one of her tirades.. There have been plenty of times where she’d tell me to leave and I’d go (no short trip as we were living in Louisiana and I was having to go to Tennessee.) One time while in Tennessee we agreed to makeup and that she would come home.. After she got back I found nude photos that she was sending other guys on her cell phone dated the day after we made up. A month later after a fight I found out she had went and stayed with the same guy the photos were sent to in a hotel..

We moved on from that, then both lost our jobs and have to stay in a homeless shelter for months..

We still constantly fight, There has been no love made for atleast 5 months and even then I’d say I could count the times this year on one hand. We don’t talk to one another, When she doesn’t want to talk she gets mad and screams, She’s always huffing and puffing around the house, She recently as of a week ago punched me in the face and gave me a bloody lip (she claims was an accident.) I really don’t think I can handle this relationship anymore. I’ve tried to do everything I could for her, bought her 3 cars, provided everything she and her son needed. I’ve known them for 5 years now and in that time his real dad has called twice and sent him a set of clothes once. I’ve done everything I could and nothing is good enough. I love her son and it’ll break my heart to walk away from him too but life’s too short to be miserable, I contacted a divorce lawyer but I don’t know if I can go through with it. I do love her but It’s just not a good relationship. I will give her credit, She has always worked and provided money to the family until the economy got bad but then so did I..

We’ve tried counseling but it hasn’t worked. The counselor will tell us something and it’ll work for 2-3 days and then go back to the same thing..

What should I do ?

Best answer:

Answer by a chick
She was abusive to you before you even got married; why on earth did you tie the knot? At any rate, she’s not going to get better.

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